Letting Go Of Perfection
“If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.”
I’ve spent many sleepless nights relaying back conversations in my head, wondering whether or not I said the right thing and constantly worrying about what people think of me. I get anxious when public speaking, have spent hours scrolling through social media comparing myself to others and have an immense fear of failure.
I’m a perfectionist.
For me, and many others, this desire for perfection leads to anxiety and stress. I constantly worry about not making a good first impression, not knowing the answer to someone’s question or not being thought of as a “high-achiever”. As much as I tell myself, “I’m not perfect, I’m human”, deep down I know the perfectionist in me is still there.
“Everyone is comparing lives on social media and wants the perfect body, perfect image, perfect outfit, perfect life - we’re striving for this perfection, and it’s so unhealthy because there’s no such thing as perfection.”
Striving for perfection is not the same as self-improvement or wanting to be the best.
Perfectionism is the desire to please others rather than yourself, with an aim to be perceived as perfect.
It’s an addiction. It’s unattainable. And, it can easily lead to burnout.
Perfectionism is usually rooted in fear. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of being a disappointment. Or, the fear of failure itself.
Letting go of perfection is something I’ve been working on over the last year or so and wow, do I feel so much better for it! I’ve come to realise that mistakes are a normal part of life, my values are much more important than the notion of being “perfect” and perfection really is impossible. You can’t please everyone, so why not just focus on pleasing yourself?
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”
My Top 5 Tips for Letting Go of Perfection
Live in the Present
Focusing on the present has really helped me to stop my lingering thoughts and anxieties about the past and present. I keep reminding myself “what’s wrong with right now?” and the answer 99% of the time - absolutely nothing! Letting go of past judgement or future anticipation will allow you to really appreciate the current moment.
Put Yourself First
Rather than always trying to make other people happy, focus on putting yourself first. You can still be a fantastic partner, friend or daughter without having to continually sacrifice your needs and desires for others.
Positive Self-Talk
Remind yourself daily - you are good enough! No one is perfect, so stop trying to achieve an unattainable goal. Positive self-talk is so powerful. How you communicate with your inner self, can significantly affect your self-esteem. Try to start each day by repeating some positive affirmations!
Identify the Worst Case Scenario
Perfectionism is often the result of a fear of failure. I’ve found it useful in the past to look at the worst-case scenario, and how likely (or should I say, unlikely) it is to occur. If you’re not convinced, talk through the scenarios with someone you trust.
Let Go of Your High Expectations
I’ve always had a hard time letting go fo my super-high standards. I always think I need to go above and beyond what is expected of me. This has always led to me working long into the night on things that really didn’t make much of a difference at all. A while back, one of my closest friends introduced me to the 80/20 rule, which simply states that approximately 20% of your effort produces 80% of the results. It’s been a lifesaver for my work/life balance!
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.”
If you’re a fellow perfectionist, I really hope these tips help on the road to letting go of perfection! Just remember to focus on doing the best you can and enjoy the moment.
KB x
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